Tips On Surviving A Breakup

Going through a breakup can somewhat feel like a death has taken place. Not only do you lose someone you care about but very often you lose friends and associates that came along with that relationship. I know this to be true because it happened to me. After my last breakup, I lost a lot of people that I cared about. Some I lost because I had to separate myself and completely change my routine in order to have a sense of normalcy, others I lost because they "chose a side".

Relationships can take a toll on you and cause you to disregard yourself. It is easy to get so caught up in someone that you are unable to function properly without having them around. Therefore, it is important after a breakup to develop new routines that only involves you. Spending quality time with yourself is a great way to regain confidence and to rediscover what you truly want in your next relationship or life in general. That being said, the question I get asked the most up to today is: "girl how did you move on?" With that question in mind, I put together a few things I found to be very helpful while taking back control of my life.

• Step One: Develop a self-care routine. I was never the kind of girl who cared to go to the salon for long hours. However, I discovered that when I looked my best, I felt my best and so I began spending time getting my nails and hair done more often. In addition, I discovered that I enjoy a good pampering so I indulged in monthly massages. These massages would make me feel more relaxed both mentally and physically, sort of like an escape from dealing with everyday life. In the event that you are unable to do this, there are simple ways you can spoil yourself at home that will cost a lot less. Running yourself a bath, and playing spa music while laying in your tub is just as effective as getting a massage. You can also try a DIY facial or hairdo. Having a new hairdo can provide you with a renewed sense of confidence as well as enhances your beauty.

• Step Two: Along with all these physical appeasements, you need to also pamper your mind and your heart. Spend time during your days to do some affirmations. I did these mainly in the mornings, I wrote down the areas I felt I was least confident in, then wrote affirmations geared at building my confidence in said areas. I strategically placed these notes on my bedroom mirror, this way I would see them each time I used the mirror and was able to remind myself how truly awesome I was. Secondly, I dated myself. This one can feel a bit strange at times especially if you take it to the level I did. However, it was important for me to discover what truly made me happy and also to embrace my time alone. So, not only did I go to restaurants and eat by myself but I also sent myself floral arrangements. I purchased and attached little love notes to flowers that I would read back to myself as though someone else sent them. This simple gesture not only made me feel good but it also created a bit of mystery to onlookers. In addition, I planned small getaways to the beach as often as I could. I would sit on the shore and listen to the waves, this would give me a great sense of peace along with alone time to process and organize my thoughts. It was also in those moments that I truly discovered who I was, what made me happy and what I wanted in life going forward.

• Step Three: Engage in an activity you enjoy. The last thing you want is to fall back into the situation you came out of. Having too much extra time on your hand can cause you to do just that. I found that with the extra time I had to myself I was lost as to how to spend it. So, I started going to the gym a lot more than I used to. Luckily, I fell in love with it so not only was it a safe escape it became a lifestyle. I felt extremely levelheaded and strong when I was able to conquer my workouts. I was developing my "revenge body" while simultaneously cultivating physical and mental strength. A good workout has the ability to shift your mindset to a more empowered state. It is an amazing way to channel the pain that you are feeling into something productive and beneficial to your overall wellbeing. Plus, you can meet other like-minded people and develop new friendships.

• Lastly: Prayer, I’m sure you are all aware of soul ties. Relationships are not just physical and emotional they are also spiritual. When you have been with someone in an intimate way you experience a lot more than just a feel-good time. You also exchange energies and your spirits become intertwined. Therefore it is important to find a way to break not only physical and emotional ties but spiritual ones as well. This is why I highly recommend developing a prayer life. I would not have been able to move on with my life had it not been for PRAYER. I fasted and prayed weekly, I asked God for guidance and submitted myself completely to his leading. I diligently asked him to remove any attachments I had to my ex emotionally and spiritually that I was unaware of. This along with reminding myself why the situation was unhealthy and wrong for me helped me stay focus on moving ahead instead of going back.

Breakups are hard and painful. However, you can always make the best of them by staying in a positive state of mind. Let’s face it, if the situation was good for you there is no way it would have come to an end. Sometimes it is better to count your loss and walk away than to live miserably ever after. Also, enjoy being single, it is most likely the only time in your life when you will be able to live just for you and not have to explain your actions to anyone. Embrace your alone time! Remember you have the power to change the narrative, you can either sit down and mourn or you can pick yourself up, discover who you are and become a stronger individual in the end.

Chin up luvlie if I did it so can you!

Bonus: Become self-reliant financially. I know as young women we are sometimes told to "marry rich" or encouraged to date for status. However, there is nothing that can compare to having your own!! Work hard, save as much as you can and if anything, let him marry rich!!

Psalm 147:3

"He heals the broken-hearted, and bandages their wounds."

Psalm 34:18

"The Lord is near the brokenhearted; He delivers those who are discouraged."