The Prodigal Daughter

If you are familiar with the story of the prodigal son. You know that this young man took all his inheritance, left home and after a very short time wasted it all then subsequently had to return home to his father. I’m much like this young man in my walk with God. There was a time when I was so far gone from him that even I couldn’t recognize myself. It might come as a surprise to a lot of people that there was once a time in my life when I completely lost faith in God. I was at the lowest point I have ever been. Blinded by hurt and anger I became bitter towards God and relinquished my need for him. I completely stopped going to church, stopped praying and at times the very sound of a worship song would irritate me.

I had just completed college and was unable to secure a job. In addition, I was not in the best situation emotionally. I began to blame God for the troubles I was facing. After all, he had the power to change my life and didn’t. I felt as though being the “good girl” all my life was a waste of time. I felt like all the time I invested in going to church, reading the Bible and even teaching Sunday school at a tender age were all a waste of my youth. My faith had kept me on the straight and narrow and so there were things that I would have never done. I became tired of living the "Christian Life". Through watching other people my age, the allure of the world became very enticing and I wanted very much to experience that.

I wanted to explore a life outside of God and the Church and so I did! I remember being invited to church by my friend and finding all the excuses in the book as to why I couldn’t go. I started partying, drinking and "living my best life". The church was not on my mind and neither was my relationship with God. It was not until I hit complete rock bottom and realized there was no possible way I go could get any lower, nor did I have the ability to pull myself out of the rut I created that my journey back to God began. After refusing to attend church for many years, I found myself one Sunday morning getting dressed to visit my friend’s church as an attempt to get him to stop asking me or so I thought. I went to church and sat in the back, it felt strange being there. As I listened to the Preacher preach it felt as though he was speaking directly to me. Towards the end of his message I remember him walking towards me, he took my hand and spoke these words “God said to tell you he’s had his hands on you since you were in your mother’s womb”. He then proceeded to tell me that there were Angels surrounding me. This was my breaking point, I wept bitterly as I came to the realization that even though I had turned my back on God he never turned his on me. He was always PRESENT, even in the midst of the mess that I was going through.

I left church that Sunday evening determined to make a change in my life. I began spending one and one time with God. I would lock myself in my bathroom, read my Bible and pray. Worship became my weapon, when I couldn’t find words to tell God how I was feeling, I would turn on worship music and cry out to him. I learnt to hear God’s voice again and to follow his leading. I began trusting his heart towards me and trusting that even though I couldn’t see or understand what he was doing, God was creating a worshipper out of me.

I am aware that this post is a bit different, however, I felt compelled to share this story for two reasons:

• One: I realize that it is no longer deemed as "cool" among persons in my generation to openly profess your love for God. I promised myself that no matter where this life takes me, I will always declare the name of Jesus. Simply because I know what life without him is like, the shared misery I felt those three years of life can never be compared to the level of peace I found in my spirituality.

• Two: During this time of tragedy the world is facing, I have seen a lot of memes and posts blaming God for all that is happening. I have seen persons openly ask is there even a God and if so why would he allow this? As Christians, we tend to get uncomfortable when persons ask these questions and instead of reaching out and sharing our experiences we judge. It is my hope that by openly saying that I too once doubted God it will inspire someone to pursue their own relationship with him. God is never upset at us asking questions, in fact, it is my belief that he wants us to ask questions so that he can educate us on who he truly is.

I am not a Preacher, I do not have all the answers neither do I claim to. However, what I can tell you is simply that God is real. How do I know this? I have experienced him for myself.

Isaiah 55:6-7

 Seek ye the Lord while he may be found, call ye upon him while he is near:

 Let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts: and let him return unto the Lord, and he will have mercy upon him; and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon.