The 80/20 Rule

The 80/20 rule was made famous by Mr Tyler Perry in his movie “why did I get married “. The rule, also known as the Pareto Principle is simply that more often than not your partner will only possess 80% of the things you are looking for. The other 20% will therefore not be present be it physical or emotional.

While I do believe that sometimes it’s a bit more than 80%, I do agree that you will never get 100% of what it is you are looking for in a partner. This is my belief because quite obviously no one is perfect. No, I am not encouraging you to settle, so the question then becomes; what should you do if not settle? See while you will never get everything on your list, it is your duty to determine if the missing requirements are things you can live without. If not then the relationship is not for you, if you can live without said things then and only then do you move forward with the relationship.

I have to warn you though, no relationship is perfect. Take for example my relationship, I would say my husband is 90% the perfect man. The other 10% as you can see is not accounted for and this is simply because this man has no time management skills!! He will take on a new project and get so lost in it that he seems to forget I’m around. Being that my primary love language is quality time, you could see where this could pose a bit of a problem. However, over the years I’ve come to admire his dedication. The efforts that he puts into getting every detail of whatever he does just right is extremely admirable, and though this may mean we spend less one and one time together, I do not hate it as much as I used to. Besides he makes up for it whenever he is free.

When I came to this realization, the question I had to ask myself was simply "Is this enough for me to want to walk away from my relationship?" My answer; Absolutely not! This man’s drive inspires me to be the best I can be daily. I was presented with a choice to see this as either a problem or use it to motivate myself. I chose to put a positive spin on things, in those moments when he is hard at work, I choose to spend that time working on myself. Let's face it, when you are in a committed relationship it can be hard to get alone time. So I decided to provide myself with the quality time I require when my husband is unable to give it to me.

Besides, I’m sure if you had the opportunity to ask him, he would have a similar complaint. I am not 100 percent perfect either...shocker lol. My husband’s missing 10 or 20 percent would probably be that I am not always able to admit when I’m wrong immediately (that’s a whole new blog). My point is there will always be something that you wish you could tweak about your partner. How you allow it to affect your relationship though is up to you. Some people seek out the missing percentages in others not realizing there is way more to lose than to gain. Others try to find a way to work around it.

One of the major keys to maintaining a happy healthy relationship is understanding. Understanding that you are not perfect either and that just like you, your partner is missing at least one thing on their list. My advice to you is to keep in mind no one is perfect not even you, and if it is something you are able to live without; don’t make it a bigger deal than it is. If you choose to remain with that person, you cannot remind them every day they are falling short or not fulfilling all the things on your list. Keep in my the missing 20 percent is not an escape route and remember 80 percent is way more than 20.

“Set me as a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm, for love is strong as death, jealousy is fierce as the grave. Its flashes are flashes of fire, the very flame of the LORD. Many waters cannot quench love, neither can floods drown it. If a man offered for love all the wealth of his house, he would be utterly despised."

Song of Solomon 8:6-7