I Am NOT Okay!!... The Issue That Has Been Affecting My Anxiety Lately.

When I started this journey, I was adamant with myself about being REAL!!! The purpose of this blog is to heal and help others to do the same by sharing the ups and downs of my life, hence the name Deeunveiled. While I will not detail my personal life, I want to be as transparent as possible. I hope by doing this others will see that they too can rise above whatever hurt or setbacks they face. It was and still is my intentions to be raw and live in my truth all in an effort to be a better woman.

I thought about not making a post this week, I thought about making a post that I had already prepared. However, I was not feeling any of the pieces I wrote previously neither was I feeling anything I attempted to write this week. I thought instead of putting on a facade that I would just come here and let you guys know that I am not okay. I know I am supposed to be a source of inspiration and motivation. However, this is a part of it, this part is where I acquire the wisdom I share with you guys. Unfortunately, I have to go through some hurt and pain to be able to encourage you guys to keep fighting through your struggles. With that in mind and the knowledge that persons are experiencing the same things I am going through; today's blog was birth.

For the past few weeks, I have been dealing with a situation that is draining my mental and emotional health. I have been caught in what is seemingly an endless cycle with someone in my life. This cycle is vicious, unhealthy and extremely painful and has most definitely sent my anxiety levels into overdrive. See, I have been caught in this web for almost 15 years. It is an endless cycle of being hurt, forgiving (without ever receiving an apology) and then it starts all over again. This individual has caused me so much hurt and turmoil and the worst part about it is that it seems as though they do not care. For years I have held on to pieces of this relationship hoping to one day put them back together. I have made excuses to myself, telling myself they do not know just how much their actions hurt or they did not mean to cause me pain. However, how could they not know when I have said time and again how I feel about the situation?

Today I am deciding to take my power back, I will no longer put my heart in someone's hand if they CHOOSE not to handle it with care. I have decided to cry my last tear, I mourned the loss of that relationship yesterday because I know that person will never let go of their ego and pride long enough to see me and my pain. So just like they are choosing their pride, I am choosing my peace. I am making this post because unfortunately many people are caught in vicious cycles with persons who are supposed to love them and have no clue how to get out. Persons accept less daily as a result of not knowing how to walk away from a toxic situation. Well, I am here to help you and you can help me, let us help each other to only accept the love we deserve. No one should have the power to make you uncomfortable in your own skin or to make you feel like less than you are worth. Here are a few strategies I came up with to help me fight this battle and end this war in my heart for good. I hope you guys can find them useful in your situations as well.

Acceptance: I have come to a place of understanding. In this place, I have managed to accept this situation for what it is. I finally see that I cannot change ANYBODY! I simply do not possess that power. So, if that individual does not see a need to look within themselves and make the necessary adjustments to facilitate a healthy relationship with me, there is nothing I can do. Therefore, I have accepted the loss and I have made peace with the fact that not every situation will not end with closure.

Forgiveness: First I forgave MYSELF for always putting my heart in danger. Always hoping for the best and diving in headfirst only to once again come up hurt. I have also forgiven that person because that is the only way to truly move on. No, I did not get an apology, no that person will not even acknowledge my pain but I choose to forgive because forgiveness is not for them it is for ME.

Releasing any feelings of guilt: One of the main things that kept me bound to this situation is the fact that I always feel guilty for choosing me. Not anymore, I have to take care of my mental health and so should you. The times we are living in is scary as is that alone can cause depression and anxiety. Anything that does not positively serve your mental health is a liability. Persons are killing themselves daily because they cannot deal with the pressures of life. I refuse to be one such person, so no more guilt.

Leaning into my support system: Unhealthy cycles are never easy to break. I recommend having people around that knows the situation and have your best interest at heart. These persons should not be "Yes" people and should be able to point out where you went wrong to help you grow. They should also be able and willing to encourage you to do what is within your best interest as well. I know I will beat this because I have that support system. I have the love and support of my Husband, Sisters, Friends and my Dad.

I truly believe as I said in last week's blog that not every situation is punishment, some are just preparation. The optimist in me strongly believes that there is something on the other side of this pain I am currently feeling. SO, even in the midst of my pain, I would like to tell you guys that whatever battles you are facing, you can and will overcome. Also, you are equipped for it, everything you need to come out of this victorious is inside of you. You were created with it!! You just have to channel your inner giant like I am currently doing and keep in mind nothing you go through is ever wasted!! Join me in taking the power that we relinquished back, lets grow through the pain!

I love you guys and I thank you for your support. I promise you more amazing content are on the way. I just needed to get this off my chest. This too shall pass.

And Moses said to the people, “Do not be afraid. Stand still, and see the salvation of the LORD, which He will accomplish for you today. For the Egyptians whom you see today, you shall see again no more forever.

Exodus 14:1