How I Prepared To Be A WIFE Not Just A Bride.

Marriage is a beautiful union, a sacred gift given to us by God. Unfortunately, a majority of us do not approach it as such. We get so sidetracked by the wedding day that we forget to prepare for the most important bit: The Marriage.

My preparation to become a wife started way in advance of me even reconnecting with my husband. I remember making the decision to become celibate, this was the first major step I took. See, it was always my desire to save myself for marriage, unfortunately for me, life did not work out exactly as I had hoped. Therefore, making this step was a recommitment of the promise I had broken to God. In addition to this, I began praying a lot more and studying the Bible. I found myself being drawn to scriptures such as Proverbs 31 that talks about the characteristics of a good wife. Also, Proverbs 12: which talks about how the qualities of the wife affects the husband be it negatively or positively. I would study these scriptures and pray to possess these Godly qualities. In addition, I made notes in relations to these scriptures in my journal and fasted weekly asking God to mould me into the kind of wife he spoke about through his words.

I also learnt how to love myself, because I had come to realize that no matter how much someone else loved me if I did not love myself it would not matter. So, I spent time getting to know me, time rediscovering who I was, what made me sad, happy, uncomfortable. I became self-reliant. This is so important in relationships and so often we miss this step. We forget that true happiness can only come from within oneself. Other people can only contribute to that happiness. If you are not truly happy with you no one can truly make you happy. Hence, I mastered the art of making myself happy.

More importantly, I learnt how to become a prayer warrior for my family. I remember watching the movie War Room and falling in love with Priscilla Shier’s character. This drew me to her Ministry, so when I found out she had a book called Fervent, I immediately bought it and began reading it. In this book, I learnt the art of praying for my husband and future kids. I learnt the art of fighting against the spiritual darkness that lurks and causes disruption in our lives. This book taught me that as a woman, one of my main duty is to cover my family daily in prayer. It taught me the importance of knowing how and when to pray.

I went a step further to adjust the contents I was exposing my mind to. I changed the types of programming I would watch on TV, the conversations I would entertain. I started focusing on positive images of marriages. I followed young people who were doing the right thing as it relates to staying faithful not just to their partners but also to God. It is really easy to turn on your TV or scroll through social media and find all kinds of negative portrayal of marriages. I did not want my view of such a beautiful gift to be tainted anymore. Therefore, I took steps to fill my mind and heart with positive influences be it on YouTube, Instagram you name it. This meant unfollowing a lot of social media sites and unsubscribing to a few YouTube Channels but that was a sacrifice I was willing to make in order to change my perspective on what a working marriage should look like.

Lastly, I learnt to let go!!! I learnt how to leave my past in the past and not to carry unnecessary situations around with me. I learnt that people are not perfect and mistakes will be made so I had to learn how to truly forgive. This was a huge lesson God taught me before marriage. I tend to harbour feelings: yes, I am an emotional hoarder. I had to learn to let things be and though I have not quite mastered this one I am a far cry from where I was.

As women, we can get so caught up in the wedding day preparations that we completely miss the most important part. After the wedding, we will have to live with this individual for the remainder of our lives. It is imperative to have a game plan as to how you are going to successfully engage in this lifelong commitment. By preparing and conditioning yourself to be a wife and not just a bride, you are halfway there.

A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband: but she that maketh ashamed is as rottenness in his bones.

Proverbs 12: 4

Proverbs 31 with special focus on verses 10-31